MHAW 2022: Disconnect to reconnect

Article at a glance

• Feeling 'socially connected' increases feelings of belonging, purpose, increases levels of happiness, reduces our perceived levels of stress, and improves our self-worth and confidence. 

• Our modern lifestyle and dependency, and preference for communicating digitally, impacts our ability to connect face-to-face.

• Steps to help you 'disconnect to reconnect' with others throughout your day are recommended below.

Humans are a social bunch, and our ability to form 'social networks' is one of the reasons we are the smartest species in the animal kingdom.

We gain the skills required to empathise with others and form social bonds early on, as our brains know that connecting with others face-to-face is vital for development, our mental and physical health, and our happiness. 

In fact, research has shown that social connection is a greater determinant of health than obesity, physical inactivity, and smoking. Not to mention helping us to co-operate in groups to advance our species and procreate to keep our species going. 

In our technological age where connecting with others digitally is so easy, many of us are more 'disconnected' than ever and we are now facing a 'loneliness' epidemic. 

This article talks about the benefits that social connections provide and encourages you to allow yourself more time for real social connection, including taking steps to digitally 'disconnect' to help you 'reconnect'.

Loneliness is killing us

If you have ever moved somewhere new or travelled somewhere where you felt completely isolated or lonely, then you will be aware of just how much our social connections shape our everyday life and wellbeing.

Loneliness has long been linked with psychological problems like alcohol and drug abuse, eating disorders, and depression. But a large analysis of 300,000 people in 148 studies in 2018 found that loneliness is associated with premature death, with a 50% increase in mortality from any cause. This makes it comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and more dangerous than obesity.

Lonely individuals are less likely to get adequate sleep and suffer from fatigue and poor mental health and illness, such as anxiety, depression, and suicidality. They report lower levels of job satisfaction and may be more likely to be unemployed. 

Loneliness also impacts our coping mechanisms, or resiliency, and we are more likely to partake in compulsive behaviours such as excessive technology use, smoking, and self-harm. For example, someone who is suffering from anxiety or depression is likely to isolate themselves from others, hence increasing their feelings of loneliness. 

Loneliness may also impact your ability to empathise with others, and misread their intentions as critical, competitive, or threatening.

The benefits of social connection

We all have experienced the benefits of regular social contact with our friends and family, but we can even benefit from a small interaction with our local barista or colleague. 

When we connect with others physically through a hug or making eye contact, our brain releases the neurotransmitters dopamine and oxytocin, which makes us feel good. This hit of neurotransmitters is the reason that connecting with others throughout the day can help you instantly feel better and combat any feelings of stress or anxiety that build up as you tackle your daily demands. The brain actually encourages you to seek out more connections to continue to be rewarded with dopamine and oxytocin. 

Small physical daily interactions can also help to improve your own subjective experience of feeling 'socially connected' where you feel understood and connected to others.

Feeling 'socially connected' increases feelings of belonging, purpose, increases levels of happiness, reduces our perceived levels of stress, and improves our self-worth and confidence. 

This in turn has a positive impact on our health and wellbeing with less stress, and with increased levels of happiness, we have a better chance of having positive mental health, getting adequate sleep, and a higher immunity and resiliency to sickness and disease.

Why are we so lonely?

Like most common causes of our modern day health epidemics, there is no silver bullet but a number of culprits driving loneliness and less social connection. Increased real and perceived pressure and workloads mean many of us are choosing to spend more time working than 'connecting' with others. We accept we need to work in isolation and choose to connect with others digitally over physical contact. 

Our increasing access and resiliance of technology also means many of us have gotten into a habit and now prefer to connect digitally in our private and working lives, than face-to-face. It's an easy option to email or message and hide behind technology when you are tired or have more to tick off on the 'to do' list. 

We can often settle (or sometimes compete) for the appearance of connections rather than the realities (beneficial and challenging) of in-depth relationships and intimacy. Perhaps we have lost the preference for - and maybe even understanding of - what truly fulfils us socially and what social connection really means.

Increasing opportunities to 'socially connect'

So what can you do to improve your level of real, physical connections to get that dose of dopamine and oxytocin and increase your feelings of 'social connection' to start reaping the benefits of happiness, health, and wellbeing.

Chances are most of us do value connecting with colleagues, family, and friends, so give yourself permission to put some time and energy into it. 

The first step is being aware of your daily barriers and constraints that prevent real connections, then looking for ways you can have more meaningful physical connections in your working and private life so it is a natural part of your day.

Be available

If you want to feel (and be) more connected, you have to make yourself available to interact with other people. Many people feel they need to be chained to their desk to be productive, but taking regular breaks every 90 minutes has been shown to improve your productivity. 

Use your break to 'connect' and move by walking across the office to speak to a colleague. You may find a five-minute conversation could save 20 emails and give you a spike in energy with it. Why not connect while you move by taking a walking meeting with a colleague, or even just grabbing a coffee. You'll get your step count in and a dose of sunlight and fresh air with it. 

Be aware of others

Pay attention to other people - in traffic, at the gym, at work. Relate to people as human beings, not as objects in your path. Being seen is an acknowledgement of one's worth, and we all need that. The more you see other people, the more you'll allow them to see you too.

Take risks

Be the first to smile, introduce yourself to a new person, or spark up a conversation in the lunchroom. Don't assume nobody wants to be bothered or is too busy for a conversation. When someone else smiles or starts a conversation with you, you usually appreciate it, so spread the love. 

Relationships can burst onto the scene as well as evolve. In the newest of places and the oddest of circumstances, meaningful and transformative social connections can take hold, so never miss the opportunity because you have your head in your phone.

Less media, more social

Assess your use of social media, screen time, or anything that distracts you and pulls you out of what's happening here and now. Spending hours mindlessly scrolling through low-value media can displace the time for making real connections.Set yourself limits on social media and use your spare time to organise face-to-face catchups with the people that matter. 

You can start by switching your phone onto 'aeroplane mode' for a day or picking one day a week where you have a social media free day or however often you feel like you need it. It seems counter-intuative but if you need it there are a range of apps that can help you to limit your social media use or time on your phone.